Processing the 2016 Election

2016 in Ohio has lent itself to many a late night with tight races. My heart has pounded nearly out of my chest on several occasions as I watched and hoped my team would win during the NBA Championships and the World Series… which is weird, because most of the time, when it comes to sports, I set myself up for a Cleveland Browns loss. However, last night’s championship of the Presidential Election was different.

Last night my heart nearly did come out of my chest as I kept waking up at odd hours to see the inevitable win of President Elect Donald Trump. My heart ached as I laid crying in bed, trying to process how the country could do this. Thoughts were pouring in from  social media blaming the uneducated, whites, men, straight people, Republicans, media… (the list can truly go on forever).  Anywhere blame was put on one group after another instead of realizing that the nation is deeply, deeply divided. People are preaching the hate that they are offended by when it is uttered by Trump for a different subdivision of our nation, instead of fighting back with love.  Fighting back with love and compassion is not easy, but it will prevail.

Trust me when I say that I in every way wish Hillary Clinton won this election. When I voted, I voted on my own values of what a great leader looked like. I have spent the last few years studying leadership in business, the ideas of servant leadership and transformation leadership characteristics I did not see in Trump. I have been humbled in my own thought process that one person cannot possibly have all the answers, or be right on every issue. In my mind a true leader listens to people, works with the unfortunate, has the ability to see past  surface level judgement such as race, gender, sexuality and disability, brings people up and helps them see opportunity,  and takes many ideas into account versus solely their own.

As the numbers came in, I slowly saw the glass ceiling repaired, holding women back a little longer. I am angered not on who won this election, but the ideals that won the election. The idea that hate prevails. The mentality of taking what “belongs to me” as an individual versus considering what is best for the common good winning out. And the sad thought that women are still only judged by looks over brains, and submission over speaking their mind.

At this point all I can do is continue to educate myself on the issues and pray that as a nation we can do our best to break down walls (instead of building them) and welcome those around us in open conversation.

Oh, now it is over.

It has been four days since I have walked across that stage to receive a diploma, 18 months in the making. I made it through the ceremony and the good-byes with minimal tears of joy or sadness, but I was waiting for that moment, the moment when I realized that it was all over, when I could feel the light of hope being drowned out by the clouds of fear and doubt of what was next. That moment turned out to be today as I saw my last grades and my last feedback from the experience.

It took me by surprise; the overwhelming feeling of the unknown. I had taken the last assignment of building a professional development plan seriously, and already four days into my MOD life, I could not get over the sinking feeling of it all being over. What surprised me more was the fact that my sob-fest lasted less than 30 seconds.( I am an emotional being – this is a good thing). A quote popped into my head, that stopped the tears dead in their tracks, from Dr. Seuss, “Don’t cry because it is over, smile because it happened.” And while usually I look to this quote to get over a breakup, it gave me solace to utilize it in a much more important milestone in my life.

Of the many things I learned, one was the fact that this is not the end. Over does not mean done. One must be able to accept the past, learn what you can from it and move forward. I still plan on continuing my educational pursuits in the field while engaging with those that continue to practice.  I have made a commitment to myself to be authentically me, no matter what titles or degrees I obtain in my future. It is clear to me what I value and what will guide me through my goals, I refer to them as my 5 C’s: Confidence, Collaborate, Create, Curious and Communicate.

Confidence

To be confident in what I do in my past, present, and future. To stop being hard on myself for the things that I do “wrong” especially when they are things that I have no control over.

Collaborate

Work with others to solve issues at all levels. Bring in all voices that need to be heard and do not depend on one voice to make  decisions for the whole.

Create

Even though I did not always pass art classes I am a creative individual. I want to continue to create whether that be in art, graphics or just my overall work. Continously willing to bring new ideas to the table.

Curious

“Why” is the passion of what we do. To me curiosity fuels the soul to keep going. I never want to forget to ask why and  spend time hunting down that answer.

Communicate

I want to get better at clearly communicating my ideas through text and speech. I love to talk, but I want it to be less about me and want it to make sense to those I am talking with.

It took a lot of time to find these values deep inside of me, and be comfortable with the ways I already show these attributes in my authentic actions. I smile as I look into the future, something that did not happen quite as easily 18 months ago.  My cohort saved me in so many ways, and I am eternally grateful to them. Today, I  turn the page on the next chapter in my life, and I am sure it will be a good one. 

Will You Read Me?

My parent’s miniature Schnauzer “helping” me study.

It has been awhile since I have written a post, I have a few halfway done, but none complete. That is what happens in the last semester of my masters degree with one vacation thrown in the mix.  To help get me back on track I have gone back to Word Press Blogging University and the tasks which I have not touched for a little over a month. Today’s task – Who will read my blog?

This is something I have thought about on several occasions. The idea of a blog for me was a place to be able to express my random ramblings; in the hopes that someone would get something out of it, even if the only someone was me. I am at a pivotal point in my life (although I am starting to think every moment is pivotal) and therefore I wanted a place to hash out these life decisions, so when I look back I can realize how far I have come. However, this is public and it probably is not the most helpful thing to be random all of the time. So here is the list of individuals that I would hope stumble across my page:

 

• People who already know me

I do set my posts so they are available on Facebook. This is mainly so my family and friends can keep up with me, more than just the random sharing of articles and memes. I want to travel in the future, and I have learned after Paris that photos are just not enough. People want to hear more and to know more. Assuming I can keep this up, this will be the place my family and friends can follow my adventures and shenanigans.

• Those looking for motivation or encouragement

In the past year I have struggled, sometimes openly and sometimes closed, with many areas of my life trying to find out who I am. This has been through education, leadership, work, future goals, weight loss, family, financial freedom, travel and online dating. In some areas I have succeeded with flying colors. In other areas I have failed and have felt myself constantly trying to pick myself up, as if I was down in the ocean and wave after wave was hitting me.

Picture from Garden City, SC – June 2016

Some of the greatest motivation comes from listening to the failures and successes of others. Sometimes reading one story of success after hardship can give me enough motivation to go the extra mile, give a bigger smile or try a little harder.  Maybe someone out there can benefit from my tales.

• People who are trying to lose so they can gain 

This is also for the people who are trying to gain more in their lives, but by doing that they realize they have to lose. My mantra for the majority of 2016 has been to be positive, be healthy and declutter. To be honest, that mantra has done hardly anything. I stress about post-graduation Bri, I have gained weight this year, and I have been sleeping in my living room for about 1.5 months, because I cannot deal with the mess in my own bedroom.

Over the last week or so I have listened to many self-help podcasts and have reflected a lot for class projects on what I want to do in the future, and it comes back to my mantra.  I want to be a happier, healthier and less mess Bri. To get what I want in the future I have to lose much of what I have.

As of this moment I am just over $90,000 in debt – $75,000 of which is student loans. I am 233 lbs, only 10 pounds away from my starting weight prior to my successful weight loss over 3 years ago.  Surrounding me is a lot of “stuff” I just do not need anymore, or have not used, and my own negative self-talk is the driving force behind my failures.

When I picture my ideal self in the future  I see most of these things gone. If I can offer my reflections on the journey through these losses, maybe others can benefit.

• Answers to random questions

Finally, I have a list of things I just don’t know. The best way for me to learn is regurgitating information. One of the many intentions of the blog is to help myself become knowledgeable and find my niche.  I have an active mind, but maybe by writing I can help to focus what I enjoy learning about the most. This will probably be the most random of the whole blog and yet the most helpful to me and my writing skills.

 

 

Who am I, why am I here?

I came to blogging after years and years of not doing it. There are fears that I have about people not understanding me, completely disagreeing with me, or my future self regretting what I put onto the World Wide Web.

So as part of WordPress Blogging University, I have been tasked to answer the questions of who I am and the reason why I am here.

I am 28 years old and about to graduate with my Masters in Organizational Development (OD) from Bowling Green State University . It is an intense program that has taught me, not only the logistical information needed to bring on whole scale change and team interventions, but also about me and my capabilities that I left behind too long ago.

Through the 18-month educational pursuit I was asked to question so many areas of my life that I have not even come close to finding all the answers. Because I have a long way to go, and so much to learn, I felt that I needed to find an outlet for everything I will continue to study, long after the program is gone.  I also know that I have a hard time focusing on one area or topic because I love to learn about everything and anything I can. What this will bring to the blogging world, I am not sure…

One thing I have learned through my self-awareness is that I have a strong need to share with people what I know. I love to connect with people one-on-one and see if I can help them find a new perspective or new resource. This may help as I find more schooling on these areas of OD.

So to truly answer the questions:

Who am I?

I am a soon-to-be graduate who is searching for the best way she can impact the lives of others. I strive to be not only a life-long learner, but sharer and potential educator or confidant for those searching for what they want to do in life. I want to find myself and maybe through my random ramblings I can do that, or give a reader something to think about.

Why am I here?

I am here to share. Sharing is caring, no matter the format. Another reason I will blog is to share my viewpoints on things I may have held back on, and to be confident in those opinions.  Hopefully I will find my niche, but can a niche just be random?

In closing I am here to Just “B” Bri. I encourage everyone to Just “B” something. “B” Present, Mindful, Yourself, Caring, Loving, Encouraging, Learning or any other state you wish in the moment. Do your best to “B”, whatever that may be for you.

 

 

Turning the Big 3-O

It has come to my attention, thanks to my countdown widget app, that I will turn 30 in 564 days.  This is still a long way away. However, 30 is one of those milestones. Some may dread it, others may consider it the best year of their life. Up until this moment, I have dreaded it.  Now I am taking the opposite view.

I believe that I will travel through my 30th year of existence. So many individuals get away for college, or study abroad for months. I have done neither and my cabin fever cannot stand anymore. My week in France gave me some much needed perspective on the world outside of the Northeast, Ohio. I am not ready to settle down (if I ever do) and so maybe it is time to do one of those years where I get away from “the world” and “find myself”.

So where do I want to go? I am not sure where. I am tossing around the idea of traveling to all 50 states or picking and choosing some prime locations. It will depend on so many factors. But this I know for sure, I will need to start planning little things here and there.

Here is a brief list of things I need to consider:

•  Money – How will I save and how will I earn? How much should I save?
• Travel – Will this be a road trip across the country or will I publicly transport myself?
• Accountability – How do I make sure this actually happens?

I have been listening to a podcast The Travelers that has already given me a lot of ideas on where to start. Let’s see where the road takes me.

Do you travel? Do you have any suggestions? Think I can do 50 states in a year?

 

Mommy Dearest

I have been blessed with a life filled with strong women in my family, as mentors and bosses, and now some of my greatest peers. These women have been strong on many levels. They have offered me wisdom and a shoulder to cry on in my greatest times of need.

My mother is beyond one of the most amazing among them. At my age she had three six-year-old children and an eight-year-old. My father worked multiple jobs and she stayed at home to care for us. I know my own strong will and complications could have only made her job harder. It has come to my realization on this Mother’s Day that I could not be a mother, at least not at this age and not in the same way my mother has been.   

Here are some things my mother has done for me that I am not sure I could do and I would like to thank her.

Heart – For loving me unconditionally in everything I have done. You have been my rock and my cheerleader in my toughest and most triumphant times. You have caught me so many times when I have fallen, let me cry and gave me the shoes to get back on my feet again.

Stomach –   I can only imagine the gross things that you had to clean  as I grew up. The nights when I was sick and the days when I played to rough and cut myself. I cannot even stand the sight of spit-up or a dirty diaper or even a burn on your hand as an adult, clearly you have a stomach that is made of steel.

Brain – You have wisdom that is immeasurable. You have remembered times of hurt that I have forgotten, as if you cleared my memory of those moments. You are also one of the most intelligent women I know when it comes to “adulting”.

 

Thank you to all the mothers that have given so much to do the job they do in loving and caring for your little ones. I have some of the most adorable munchkins in my life and for now I am just as happy to dote on them and send them back to their parents.

Happy Mother’s Day!

Weight loss or healthy eating?

I realized today, as I have many times before, that I am not at a healthy weight. Not only this, but I consciously know I am not trying hard enough. I enjoy carbs way too much and I really do not like working out in front of people.

A little over a year ago I lost nearly 60 pounds. I am sad to report nearly 2 years later I have gained all but 15 of those pesky pounds back.

It would be great to attribute it all to  a slower metabolism that was only made worse by my prior weight loss or some cataclysmic event (although grad school is pretty much up there in my overwhelming life events). Unfortunately, it is more than metabolism for me, it is a laziness to get to the gym, or to meal plan and prep. The convenience of having a gym nearby in my apartment complex does not outweigh the nearby Steak n’ Shake that is less than a quarter mile away.

So today I start again, attempting to lose weight, but more importantly to be healthy. To be able to walk without pain and maybe one day even run a 5k. The way I did this before was by calorie counting through Lose It! an by working out in anyway I could. I walked, did Richard Simmons Sweatin’ to the Oldies DVD’s, played tennis against a wall and even went to the gym. Adding a Fitbit was also part of the fun.  This all needs to become part of the routine to make it work.

Today’s biggest dietary success was my veggie dinner with the Hummus Tray from Aldi… love it! I am almost not hungry right now. 

Today I am at 230.6 pounds. If I could get to 215 by my family vacation in June I would be content, it is about 6 weeks away.  I am hoping to do it the same way I did before, determination and calorie counting.

 

 

Postcard from Paris

Back to Normalcy

Today I am still working through the jet lag from an amazing whirlwind of a week. While visiting France I had the pleasure of listening to great lecturers from Audencia Business School as well as other organizations. The overall topic was on Corporate Social Responsibility and the more I learned, the more I wanted to jump in and do more. On my journey through the week and back to the United States of America, I told myself that I did not want to go back to my normal and my comfort zone, I wanted to branch out to the world. Somehow I still find myself sitting here on another Netflix binge of How to Get Away with Murder debating if I wanted to work on a blog. I am not even sure what the main focus of the blog will be.

The trip itself gave me the opportunity to spread my wings, and realize that it was possible for me to leave my immediate surroundings for my own fun. There were many times before my trip that I was overly anxious, but once it was over, I realized the worries were not necessary. There was something about trying new experiences and new foods that I want to carry through my life. For that reason I am attempting to start this blog of my life. There is no theme at this time, except I am “Just Being Bri”. This is the working through my own personal constant changes and allowing myself to reflect on what went right in the past week to help me move forward. It is odd though, the more I move forward the more I feel that the truest version of myself has been suppressed for far too long.

My goal in life is simple, to help people find where they belong in the world –  find their niche. The only problem with this lofty goal is I need to find that for myself first. Some of the items I am working on now are constant themes in my life and openly reflecting on them may provide me the accountability I need.

I am constantly reading articles and books, listening to podcasts and music, all while trying to finish my master’s program. I have been known to be opinionated verbally, but not through text. I think the time has finally come for me to share my ideas online.